Five Myths about Impact Play

Hey Hotties!  Are you curious about impact play and don’t know how to start?  There is a lot of fear and misconceptions about impact play: mainly, that it’s all about pain and humiliation. In reality, impact play isn’t one-size fits all. 

The Wives bust the top five myths of impact play, along with professional dominatrix and kink educator, Kimi Inch. 

Myth No. 1 – Impact play is only for hardcore kinksters

You might think that impact play only happens to the kinkiest of kinsters but it can be a part of any woman’s sex play.  In fact, it may already be a part of your sex life. If you’ve ever had a partner grab your butt during sex or teasingly whip the backs of your legs with the towel, guess what! You’ve engaged in impact play.

Impact play is any practice that involves one person receiving impact — for example, being spanked, punched, whipped, or flogged —explains Kimi Inch.

The person doing the impact is often called the dominant or the top and the person receiving the impact is the submissive or the bottom.  Although women are often portrayed as always the submissive or bottom, it doesn’t have to be that way.  Even if you prefer to be submissive, we recommend that you try taking a dominant role at least once so that you get a better understanding of your partner’s experience.    

You can incorporate a little impact into your regular sex play by playfully running your nails across your lover’s back, use gentle pattering touches across his buttocks or grab a fistfall of his hair and pull gently as you kiss him passionately.

And, if you want to be submissive, you may have to use your motherfucking words and ask for what you want.  Is it easy? Not at first.  But it’s totally worth it.   

Myth No. 2 Impact play requires a dungeon full of toys

Christian Gray’s red room of pain may be hot AF, but you don’t need a dungeon full of toys to play around with impact sensations  In fact, the best way to explore impact play in the beginning is to use your hand, says Kimmy, so that you get used to the amount of impact your partner likes.

Floggers, and whips and chains, oh my!  If you do want to invest in an impact play toy, I recommend starting with a leather slapper.  It creates an awesome thuddy sound and sensation without a lot of pain. 

Myth No. 3 Impact Play is all about pain. 

Impact play is all about sensation, not pain.  Those sensations might include a gentle fingertip touch, a tickly feather or a strong grasp to the buttocks.  It often includes a build up of intense sensations, which might include discomfort or even pain, combined with gentle, sensual kisses and caresses.  

The key is to discover the types and intensity of sensation that you enjoy.  Start low and slow and explore many different types of touches. You may find that as you get more turned on by the experience, that you enjoy more intense sensations, or maybe not.  Every woman is different!

Consider using a 1-10 scale to communicate with your lover about the level of sensation that you are experiencing, 1 being “no pain” and 10 being unendurable pain.  Don’t go past a 6 or 7 at first.  In fact, you may never want to go past a 5!  That’s totally ok. 

Myth No. 4  The dominant should surprise the submissive and keep her guessing what will happen next. 

Any new sex play should start with a conversation, not a touch, especially when the play might be intense. Partners should discuss what turns them on about impact play and what they are concerned about. 

If you are new to impact play, you and your partner should start with a conversation, especially if you are playing the submissive.  Make sure that you identify safe words. Hint: Green, Yellow and Red are very common, and an excellent choice if you are playing with a new partner. Also, let your partner know any sensations that you want to experience and any hard limits that you want to maintain. 

During play, the dominant should check in periodically with the submissive, either using a number scale or just asking if the play is getting too intense.  

The more that the two of you explore impact play, the shorter these conversations can be. 

Myth No. 5 Impact Play always includes humiliation

Sure, impact play isn’t just about physical sensation.  The experience of getting spanked, flogged or whipped may bring about intense emotional sensations, some good some bad. Those feelings might include anticipation, hyper-awareness, euphoria but it might also include a little fear or humiliation.  But, sometimes those  “bad” emotions can be an incredible turn on.  I personally get very turned on when my husband tells me that I’m in trouble over some little infraction. 

Be mindful and non-judgmental about the thoughts and feelings during impact play. You might find that you enjoy   If a feeling is overwhelming you in a bad way, use your safe words!  

If you enjoy the emotional sensations of impact play, consider creating a role play or “scene” that includes words or actions meant to elicit certain emotional responses.  For example, the dominant partner may “catch” the submissive doing something bad or naughty and use impact play as punishment. But impact play scenes can also be cast as an act of worship that the top provides to the bottom.  The top may start with loving, gentle caresses and words of intense, possessive love, followed by stronger pressure, kneading touches or light hair grabbing. 

Impact play can be a total mindfuck, but it doesn’t have to be about humiliation. 

Curious to learn more?  Check out the 2HotWives Podcast all about Impact Play

About Kimi Inch

Kink expert Kimi Inch (aka Mistress Nina Payne) has been involved in the BDSM lifestyle as a professional Dominatrix since 2002. She was hired by New York’s top dungeons to develop training programs for their new employees. This eventually led her to bringing her kink knowledge to the mainstream by holding public workshops as a way to teach and empower curious individuals and couples on how to enhance their sex lives through kink and fantasy exploration. 

Alongside her classes, Kimi is trained at the Institute of Core Energetics and holds somatic therapy sessions which are focused around intimacy, relationship help, and sexual healing. 

With over 325,000 followers on her social media platforms – Kimi Inch has lectured at Princeton University, The Embodiment Conference, and The One World Tantra Festival. In addition to this, she has been featured in several media outlets like The Wall Street Journal, Cosmo magazine, and New York Post. Plus also has made numerous television appearances, having been featured on ABC’s 20/20, ABC’s Nightline, and The Oprah Winfrey Network’s Our America with Lisa Ling.

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