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Are you an exhibitionist? Exhibitionism is a sexual kink in which a person feels sexual arousal at the idea or reality of being seen naked or engaged in sexual activities by others.  Consensual exhibitionism means that all people, watchers and participants, are enthusiastically consenting to the experience, and that’s the kink this episode focuses on. 

But first, if you are looking for a light, end-of-summer cocktail, look no further than the Cucumber Lemonade. Mix one up while listening to Ams’ Hot Tale – Ams reconnect with Brandon on a lifestyle couples date and experiences the Jedi Mind F**k. 


Then, the Wives discuss their past experiences and interests in exhibitionism.

There are many reasons people enjoy exhibitionism. Some people enjoy breaking with the convention that sex happens in private. Participating, or even thinking about, taboo sexual behavior can be very hot and can even cause a physical rush of adrenaline or genital arousal.  

For others, “showing off” sexually to others is a way to bolster self-esteem. When watched by an enthusiastic voyeur, exhibitionism can result in tons of admiration and positive feedback.  And when a woman is how beautiful and sexy they look when naked or provocatively dressed (or when engaging in sex) that positive feedback can lead to more confidence and positive body image. And if you feel better about your body, you probably will want to have more sex!  

Women might also explore exhibitionism as a safer way to connect with more than her primary partner.  Having someone watch you have sex can be a form of communication and connection that can be a real turn on: watching a voyeur become aroused, participating in non-verbal communication (such as a wink or blowing a kiss) are ways to connect with a non-participating partner that can add a sexy spin on parallel play.

Finally, exhibitionism on a lesser scale can be an empowering way to remind the world that you exist as a sexual being.  For women of-a-certain-age, especially those that are mothers, society sends us messages that we are no longer sexual beings.  Don’t believe me, check Amy Schumer’s brilliant skit: Last F**kable Day  Really, for any woman who doesn’t meet the very narrow definition of sexual beauty, exhibitionism in the form of provocative dressing can be a way to recall your sexuality, encourage healthy body image and feel sexually empowered.   

The Wives share their past experiences with exhibitionism (spoiler alert:  Ams and Kat have sex in front of people all the time, but it isn’t always a turn on). 

Next, the Wives get sage advice from Dr. Carol Queen on how to explore exhibitionism if you are experiencing shyness, a reluctant partner or body image issues. 

Finally, the Wives assign themselves sexy homework to explore ways to get turned on when other people are watching. 

A very special thanks to Abbey Snider for editing assistance on this episode!  You can check out Abbey’s podcast, Sweet Baby Gay at

about dr. carol queen

Dr. Carol Queen is staff sexologist and Company Historian at Good Vibrations, the woman-founded sex shop, where she has worked since 1990. A noted cultural sexologist whose work has been widely published, she’s written or edited several books, including Exhibitionism for the ShyThe Leather Daddy & the Femme; and The Sex & Pleasure Book: Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone (lead author, with Shar Rednour). She has been speaking publicly about sexuality for 45 years and frequently speaks to the media as well as college, conference, and other audiences. She debated the question of promiscuity (“virtue or vice?”) at the Oxford Union. With Dr. Robert Morgan Lawrence, Queen co-founded the Center for Sex & Culture [IG @centersexculture] in San Francisco. 

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